… there is no time to stand still and pose for the camera anymore
I am usually a pretty and easy going person, but then some days my type A personality rears it’s nasty head, does a 360 spin and then the crazy goes nuts over the cuckoo’s nest. And on really special days I can be an A+, which is the highest level of assholery and competitiveness. Like that time when I’ve decided to visit a gym that I’ve been sponsoring for about a year and right in the middle of my warm-up some 21-year-old hormone got on the treadmill and set his speed to 6…. (Oh shut up, you look at other people’s speed too!) I have no recollection of what happened next but I couldn’t walk for days. Or that time when my friend took me to her yoga class and I forced-pretzeled myself into a double helix just because the boneless girl in front of me could.
I recently watched another momversations video on milestones, competitive parenting and all that jazz (as long as there are mothers, this topic will never get old).
I will have to agree with Maggie Mason on this one – most parents just want to “help the kids to avoid some of the pain of growing up”, being behind, being teased and not living up to their full potential.
Leila was one of the last ones in our playgroup to roll over, but once she did everything else came in really fast and fairly early. She rolled over within the recommended timeline, but I remember the feeling of a slight worry… I remember looking up suggestions and trying to help her with rolling over… in hind sight I should have just relaxed and let her be, but HELLO? I am a first-time mother! I am allowed to get stupid with worry and self-induced panic until there is no more blood left in my brain. You grow, you learn, you relax more and I am sure by the time the second baby is here I will be so busy y’all will be emailing me with dude, shouldn’t your three-year-old be rolling over by now?!
In one of the seminars on parenting the speaker compared being a mother to a roller coaster with your child sitting in the first car and you riding right behind them. When your child is acting like a good citizen and is on target with their development you are right there behind them – The Worlds Greatest Parent! Up up and amazing! When your child is having a public meltdown or is not walking by 18 months your car is speeding down and suddenly everything is not so rosy anymore. Up and down, up and down you go for the rest of your life… The advice was obvious – get off the roller coaster. Easier said than done, but definitely necessary for your sanity.
So when the next time in the playground another mother asks you if your child is walking/talking/driving yet? Just look her in the eye and yell:
“GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER! GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER!!!”
.. let me know how that goes, mKay?
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… a couple more years and she will get arrested for this type of behavior
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You know that mom at the playground with three kids that always looks like she just stepped out of a magazine cover? Me neither. The truth is that there just comes a time in your life when sleeping through the night, eating in peace and wearing high-heals just gets old. At least that’s what happened to me. How hard can it be to take care of a 7lb roommate?! Well… it was harder than expected, but at the same time more enjoyable than we had ever imagined. By the time Leila was 9 months I was back to taking daily showers, which to me was a clear sign from the universe that we were ready for another baby.
“Oh, honey, you don’t want TWO toddlers! Wait a few years, relax…” said my childless OBGYN.
“Stop this nonsense baby-talk! Wait until Leila is older so that she can help you a little” spoke my mother from experience of having her 10-year old practically raise a baby while everybody went back to work. And trust me, trying to look cool when you are 13-years old is hard enough without having a 3-year-old attached to your leg. So I took their advice with a grain of salt and a pack of Zoloft.
It was a textbook conception – I calculated my ovulation, emailed my husband which day he needed to be home early, kept my legs up for 20 minutes, 2 weeks later I peed on the stick and voilà- baby #2 is in the oven! Fireworks! Champagne! Parade! Oh wait… that was the reaction I got the first time. This time?
“You are pregnant AGAIN? … Congratulations…?”
“You are so brave!”
“Wow! I couldn’t do it.”
“Congratulations…. but are you CRAZY?!”
“I gotta tell you… you are insane!”
Well OK, the “crazy” and fhe “insane” part came in only after I clarified that we conceived this baby entirely sober and completely aware we had a 9-month old sleeping in another room. I never had an illusion that it will be easy-breezy-beautiful, but hearing all those reactions does make me question myself a little bit. Am I crazy? Just a little bit? A lot? (professional opinion, Abby?) Maybe I am living in a bubble of denial thinking that I can do it, that my marriage can survive this and I can raise two perfectly healthy and happy kids. Maybe. But for now I just want to bask in my hormone induced happiness and my beautiful beautiful boobs that are finally… slowly but surely filling in cup A – a few more weeks and it will make a perfect Valentine’s Day gift for my husband.
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